I have had several teachers tell me that I need to stop pampering ds5. He has trouble at school. He runs from them. He refuses to do the work. At home, he is helpful. He asks to help me do this or that. He picks up things for me, and throws things away. He puts things away for me. He gets dressed. I force him to take baths/showers and use the rest room and go to school. I am at a loss as to why they think I am babying him. I don't understand why they think I don't make him do things. Yes, he has a lot of freedom to do as he pleases, but he is also asked to do things. We do not allow him to hit and throw tantrums. We do not allow him to run from us. He does what he is told when it is necessary and he understands that I will make him do it. He trusts me and understands that I will not allow him to get away with stuff even if he screams and yells and throws a fit. In the end, when it is important, he will do what I insist on and all I have to say is, "You will do this and you know I will make you if I have too. I don't want too, but you will do it and you know you will!" He may fuss and he may say he doesn't want to but he does do it. I will admit to only resorting to that on the most important things and as a last resort. I try every other parenting technique I know first. Usually I can figure out something he wants enough that I can withhold it until what I need done is done. For example, no I will not give you back the gameboy until you use the restroom. Or, First change your clothes, then you may watch tv. Or you may have the cookies on the way too_____, but you have to put your seatbelt on. Or, would you like to listen to this song or that song on the way to _____? He may respond that he does not want to go but I respond that that is not an option. You have to go to school but you may do this or that on the way or when we get back.
I have to put up with screaming, hitting (although if he hits me, I spank back. I'm trying to teach him that when you hit someone they hit back.) tantrums, fighting, sitting down (when I am trying to get him to go somewhere) Jumping out of the car, (so far only at home, before the car moves) wet and/or stinky clothes/house, and they want me to make him do pencil work as well. This is the biggest problem he has. His grip strength is weak, but they continue to insist on assesing him by writing. He needs to do writing to increase the stamina of his hand, but one of the reasons he doesn't want to do it is his hand cramps up. I am so frustrated!!! That is why I want to open a Montessori school.
I enrolled him in a Montessori school for the summer. I wanted to see how he would do in a different environment. This particular school I felt led too. They hired a teacher who is experienced with children with autism. She says he has a lot of excaping behavior. NO DUH!!! It has taken him a long time to get him to the point where he understands that Mom will not intervene, but he seems to be calming down. I have to decide whether I continue this, which is costing me money, or let him return to public school in the YCAP program. It also depends on what the directress determines. Right now, the teacher is working one on one with him in an ABA manner. This may not be sustainable once the summer is over. The teacher told me that ds5 is her "project" and she wants to continue, but a do not know what the directress is going to do.
The problems I see is that the school seems to lean more to the public school teaches then the montessori method. It was the only school that was even willing to try. His escaping behavior scared off all of the other schools I have asked. Maybe by working with him, they may have to change to a more montessori style of teaching. We will have to wait and see. I won't really know until the beginning of August. That is when the accademic school year starts in the montessori school. I just don't know what to do. He seems a lot happier, but at the same time, he has not made the progress I had hoped for. I know the teacher of the YCAP program he will be in. I am told she is very, very good. I am praying and praying of course and I have to admit, free public education is very attractive. DS5 is only at school for 1 hour, which is great in his mind, but I could sure use the extra hours to myself that public school would allow. But then again, it would make him a lot more angry. What is best for everyone, not just him and not just me? I will have to make a decision soon.